


arms unfolding (songfic)

by goldenthunderstorms (PotatosaurusOfBroadway)



Category: The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue Series - Mackenzi Lee
Genre: (I love that theres an official tag for that), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Gay Disasters, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Modern AU, basically the lyrics cut in here and there and its inspired by the dodie song, monty didnt start it for once, oh boy theyre fighting, woohoo song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-19 04:21:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17594525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PotatosaurusOfBroadway/pseuds/goldenthunderstorms
Summary: one-shot songfic inspired by the song 'arms unfolding' by dodie





	arms unfolding (songfic)

**Author's Note:**

> hiya! good to see y'all again! lowkey determined to fill this entire fandom with my own two hands if I must  
> anyway how this basically works is the story is inspired by the song and the lyrics are in the story in bold  
> hope y'all enjoy! (I'm not gonna link the song cuz its one song yall can google it and linking things here is hard)

**Hope I’m not tired of rebuilding**

I’ve never been one for holding grudges. I forget things and brush things off, trying to start again. I did it every time with my father: messing up, apologizing, being punished, trying to improve, and starting the cycle all over again. Eventually, I started trying less, but the cycle continued. Of course, I am petty, but I learned with Richard Peele that you can be upset and not let it ruin things.

With Percy, I thought I could forgive him. I thought I could forgive anything he did and move on. I thought Percy could tear my heart out and I would thank him. I would say _Thank you for taking it. It was yours all along._

**’Cause this might take a little more**

But I was wrong about Percy. The truth was Percy had never really done anything wrong by me. I didn’t know what it was like to be hurt by Percy.

But then I did.

And I still haven’t figured out how to forgive him. I’m sure I should forgive him; he’s certainly done a fair share of forgiving on my behalf. But it’s never been like this. We’ve never intentionally (or at least semi-intentionally) hurt each other like that. It was really a surprise that Percy did first. I’m not sure I ever planned to forgive him or figure it all out. A sad part of me hoped to hide from it all and never face Percy again.

**I think I'd like to try look at you**

But here he is.

Percy is standing at my doorstep, fidgeting and scratching the back of his neck. He looks nervous and almost surprised to see me as if he isn’t standing in front of my–formerly our–apartment.

**And feel the way I did before**

And, hellfire and damnation, he’s still gorgeous. My traitorous heart still picks up at the sight of him. A part of me aches, with what I don’t know, and another part of me rejoices.

“Monty,” he says, a little breathless like he just ran up the three flights of stairs. But I don’t know what to say.

**Oh, our fire died last winter**

It’s been a few months since Percy and I last saw each other and broke up last December. It was a messy breakup, full of shouting and tears. I wish, at least, it would have gone smoothly, calmly. But I like to fight in cold glares and passive aggression, whereas Percy likes to air our grievances and figure it out.

It was like pitting two mules against each other: stubborn, loud, and full of head butting—metaphorically, of course.

For once, it hadn’t been my fault. But perhaps that was what made it worse. We had no idea how to handle it.

_“Good morning, darling,” I greeted. Percy handed me a mug of coffee because he’s always thoughtful like that. “Are you excited for the last day of classes?” I asked, kissing him quickly. It was the last day of class before we were out for the holidays._

_Percy smiled and nodded. “Of course,” he said, sitting at the table._

_It was our first time spending the holidays as proper boyfriends. (I still got a thrill of saying that. I’d never had a boyfriend before, not truly. Even if I had, it was_ Percy _, the love of my life.) I was rather excited to enjoy the holidays for once, with Percy rather than my family._

_“So, what’s our plan for the holidays? Are we spending it with your family?” I asked, because what else would we have done? Percy always spent the holidays with his family. They loved him. They were close._

_Percy didn’t answer at first, working his bottom lip with his teeth. “I’m not sure.”_

_“What? Why? You love spending the holidays with them. Has your mother finally tired of cooking for two days what disappears in two minutes?” I asked, teasing. Percy’s mother was kind, warm, and a wonderful cook. She loved cooking and Christmas at Percy’s house was like a feast._

_Percy scoffed, “She loves us too much.”_

_“So why aren’t you going?” I asked._

_“Well, I know that_ I’m _going.” Percy said, delicately._

_That’s when I realized what he meant. He’s going. I’m not._

_“What?” I asked, frowning._

_Percy winced, “Monty, my parents, they . . .” Percy paused, running a hand through his curls._

_“They what?” I asked, growing confused and frustrated._

_“They don’t really like me dating you. They don’t approve.” Percy sighed, “I’m sorry, Mont, it’s just—”_

_“So you won’t bring me because they don’t approve?” I cut Percy off._

_Percy nodded slowly. “I’m just not sure if it’s the best idea to bring you until they warm up to it is all.”_

**All of the shouting blew it out**

_I was upset by that. I stood up to my parents, gave up the titles, money, and security to be with Percy. To have this life with him. I risked a reckoning with my father that I probably would not have walked away from._

_But Percy didn’t want to frustrate his parents. His parents, who have known me since I was a child, who knew Percy and I were inseparable since we were children. Percy’s parents, who’d long known Percy was gay and were entirely fine with it. Percy’s parents, who are okay with Percy being with a boy, as long as the boy isn’t me._

_But Percy wasn’t going to break up with me. He loved me too much. We’d gone through too much to break up over this. But Percy wasn’t going to upset his parents. He loved them too much._

_So Percy was going to hide me. Make it easy on his family and be as discreet as possible. But I was so tired of hiding. Percy and I had hidden what we were for two years before we started this life together. I didn’t want to hide anymore. I’d nearly died hiding._

_“You’re ashamed of me,” I said._

_Percy grimaced, “I wouldn’t say that—”_

_“I would,” I cut him off, voice stiff. “You don’t want to upset your parents with me.” I stood, “I understand. I only got myself renounced for us. I wouldn’t want your parents to be upset with you for us.” I began to walk off, leaving my coffee untouched on the table._

_“Monty,” Percy reached for my arm but I jerked away._

_“No, don’t touch me.” I snapped, “I’d hate to embarrass you.”_

_I left for class after that. We didn’t see each other again until that night. I was avoiding Percy and he kept trying to bring the topic back up, explain himself. I didn’t want to hear it. What was he going to say?_ “You have to understand why I’m abandoning you on our first holiday together. My parents would be annoyed and I can’t have that. I know you gave up your family for us but I can’t have little squabbles in mine” _?_

_“Monty, please talk to me.” He tried again._

_“Why? So you can explain why I’m so humiliating?” I retorted._

_Percy sighed, “Monty, don’t take it like that.”_

_“How else am I supposed to take it?!” I demanded. “You’re too ashamed of me to bring me to Christmas with your family? You won’t make decisions for yourself? You don’t love me enough to stand up to your family for me? Even after all I did so we could have what we do? You won’t even do a fraction of the same?”_

_Percy had the audacity to look affronted. “I value my family, Monty. I’m not going to ruin my relationship with them on a whim.”_

_“_ On a whim, _Percy? That’s what this is? I thought you were committed to us. I risked my_ life _for us!” I was shaking in anger. I always thought Percy and I were priorities to each other. I wasn’t asking him to break off with his family. I was just asking him to be the adult he was and tell his parents he loved me as much as he loved them and they wouldn’t change that. I wanted us to be a proper couple. “We both have to want this, Percy. This is all that’s left for me. I gave up everything for this.”_

_The argument went on for the rest of the night. No understanding was reached. A breaking point was reached instead. I hadn’t expected it; maybe Percy didn’t either because he’d never blown up like that before._

_“I’m sorry you can’t understand what a family means, Monty! But my family matters to me! I actually commit to things and_ care _about things!” Percy had shouted. His words hurt worse than any blow I’d ever been doled._

_Did he really think I didn’t care about things? About him? About my sister?_

_I choked back a sob. “Get out,” I whispered. I couldn’t take it. I never thought I’d see Percy, who always mattered most to me, turn on me like this._

_Percy looked stunned. “What?”_

_“Get out!” I shouted, turning away from him. “Get out, Newton!”_

_“This is my apartment too.” Percy protested._

_“Then run home to your family! If they matter so much, then go! If you want them instead of me, then go!”_

_And he did._

**You know I could live without or with you**

The time after that wasn’t as miserable as I expected. Percy didn’t appear again. He left and we didn’t talk. He came back and got his things at some point, about two weeks later. I came home from work, and they were gone. No note, no nothing. I could have called or texted him. He didn’t block me on anything, didn’t lock me out. He just left. For once, I wasn’t the one running.

The first few nights _were_ miserable. They were spent crying into pillows that smelled like him, itching for a drink when I knew I shouldn’t dare. I did dare, one night, but the hangover was abysmal after months of sobriety. I didn’t dare again.

I was able to carry on with my life. I had a job and a sister, even a dog now. My life wasn’t a wreck without Percy, but I missed him. I missed Percy dreadfully.

**But I might like having you about**

“Monty,” Percy says again.

“Uh, what are you doing here?” I ask before I can stop myself.

Percy grimaces, “I wanted to see you, to talk to you. Can I come in?”

**Yes, these new walls are pretty hard to crack**

I hesitate, a part of me nervous. Percy seems uneasy as well, but he waits patiently for me to nod and let him in.

Percy stands in the middle of the living room, stiff. He seems awkward, as if he’s in a strange place and not his old home and doesn’t know this apartment inside and out. Percy’s watched countless movies on that couch, played violin in the hallway, kissed me against the kitchen counters; yet he acts like he doesn’t know how to work the stove or where the silverware is. The sight rips the stitches out of my heart, but then I remember he’s the reason the stitches were there in the first place.

God, I’m fucked.

“Sit on the couch.” I say, then add, tactlessly, “I can’t stand you acting like you didn’t live here.”

Percy flushes and sits. “Sorry, I guess it’s weird to be back.”

“Obviously,” I deadpan before sitting on the opposite end of the couch from him.

**And it might take a while until I trust you won’t attack**

I wrap my arms around my middle. I remember when I would do that whenever my father would speak with me or when people questioned me about him. Percy, often one of those people, obviously recognizes the gesture and grimaces. He commented on it once, saying it was like I was trying to shield myself; or like I was giving myself a hug because I needed one that no one could give me.

“What are you doing here?” I ask again.

“I . . . have some things I need to say to you.”

“Like what?”

“First of all, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said some of the things I said when we broke up.” Percy says, and it feels weird to acknowledge that he’s my ex. I’ve really only told Felicity and he’s always been Percy or, more recently, _that bastard_ to her.

**Oh, I'd apologize, but it was only self-defense**

For a moment I’m about to apologize in return but then I realize that I don’t need to. It feels almost odd, knowing that I’m not the one to blame here. Maybe I am, partly, for kicking him out or challenging him. But it felt justified, and Percy had never tried to make amends until now. He hurt me and I defended myself. Was there wrong in that? I used to believe so, but now I’m starting to think otherwise.

“No,” I finally say, “you shouldn’t have.”

The ghost of a smile flickers over Percy’s face, but it disappears before I can ask about it.

A part of me wishes we could have done this sooner: that Percy or I had caved a day or two later and apologized. A part of me wishes we’d made up then and stayed together, another fight put behind us. But these were special circumstances. Percy hurt me.

I didn’t want to get hurt anymore.

**Running away just made sense**

“Secondly, I want to say that you were right.” Percy continues, “I took you for granted. You gave up a lot for us and I gave up nothing. I should have been willing to do things for you when you did so much for me.”

“I just wanted you to tell them.” I say, “I wanted you to tell them that you loved me and they couldn’t change that. It wasn’t that I felt like you should have had to give things up. I was frustrated that you weren’t willing to do something so simple and easy to fix after I . . .” I trail off, knowing he understands. He still understands me more than anyone else. “I wanted to know you were in this, Percy. I wanted you to show that you were as committed to us as I was. All I wanted was for you to tell your parents that you loved me and that they weren’t going to change that.”

Percy studies me for a second. “I remember there was a time when you wouldn’t have been able to tell me all that. You would have shut me out or pretended I did nothing wrong.”

“Why does that matter?”

“You’ve changed,” Percy replies.

“Is that bad?” I ask.

Percy shakes his head. “No, not at all. I’m proud of you.”

“Oh,” is all I can say.

**But here I am with arms unfolding**

I relax a little, letting go of my sides and resting an arm on the arm of the couch.

“I’ve missed you.” I say before I can stop myself.

“I’ve missed you too.” Percy sighs, “I talked to my parents about what happened.”

I’m scared to ask what happened, not sure what tone my voice would take, so I nod to show I’m listening.

“I told them that I regretted what I did. That I’m an adult and I’m going to make choices for myself, and we can work things out from there. But they weren’t going to hold me back anymore.”

“Good,” I say, sharper than I mean to.

**I guess it isn’t quite the end**

“Monty,” Percy says my name for what feels like the thousandth time. “Can you ever forgive me?”

I study him for a moment before I answer. I think about all the times Percy has forgiven me, all the times he’s never left me or given up on me. I think of all the times he found me dead drunk on my bedroom floor or carefully climbing in through his bedroom window so I didn’t knock my fresh bruises.

I remember all the times he could have—should have—said _This is too much, Monty. You’ve gone too far. I can’t deal with you anymore,_ and walked away and I wouldn’t have blamed him. But he never did. Percy never gave up on me, never left me. Not until now.

It was a mistake but we all make mistakes. I’ve made a good share of mistakes. But Percy has always forgiven me. I should do the same for him.

I realize why I never forgave Percy before. He never apologized. I didn’t know if he was sorry. I didn’t know if he wanted forgiveness. But he has, he is, he does. Percy is here, after all this he’s still here.

I reach over, hesitantly, to take his hand. Percy lets me and laces our fingers. I can’t help smiling. “I already am.”

**Old partner in crime**

Percy smiles too. He looks relieved but he’s still tense. I watch him and see that he’s nervous, but he’s hopeful. The look in his eyes reminds me of when we were begging with his parents to let us take Percy on vacation with us. It was an all summer Tour of Europe, so it took a lot of convincing and even more pleading eyes on Percy’s part. I see those same eyes now.

“I have something else to ask of you. But whatever you say is totally okay with me and I just want you to answer honestly. Not that you need me to approve but—” I cut off Percy’s rambling.

“What is it?” I ask.

Percy squeezes my hand. It’s light but it still makes my breath catch. It reminds me of the few weeks before we got together, nervous and afraid to touch each other. The tension was palpable after a few close encounters. The slightest brush of our hands would send my heart pounding.

“I know I don’t have any right to ask this of you, but . . . would you give us a second chance?”

**I’m going to try**

I start laughing—though giggling may be a better word. For a moment, Percy stares at me like I’ve gone mad, then like he’s hurt.

I start nodding. “Yes, Perce, of course.”

His face lights up. It feels good to be the reason for that again. “Really?”

I’m still giggling, leaning back on the couch arm.

“Why are you laughing?” Percy asks, just looking confused now.

I finally reign myself back in, catching my breath. “Because you say that like I’d say no.”

“I thought you were angry.”

“I’m not anymore.” I squeeze his hand. “I’m not sure I’ve been mad about it for a while. But of course, I’ll give us another chance. We’ve both fucked up, Perce.”

Percy smiles, “Monty?”

“Goddamnit, Percy, if you say my name one more time,” I say, chuckling.

Percy rolls his eyes. “Can I kiss you?”

I practically choke. It was just like when we got together. Then, it was _May I kiss you_ because Percy was nervous. He said it in his _meddling with high society_ accent too.

Obviously, I respond just as I did then.

“Abso-bloody-lutely you can.”

And he does.

**To fall in love with you again**

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [arms unfolding](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17970008) by [galaxy_houseplants](https://archiveofourown.org/users/galaxy_houseplants/pseuds/galaxy_houseplants)




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